


my spaceship knows which way to go

by fleurdeliser, tuesdaysgone



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Polyamory, Reconciliation, Sobriety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-24
Updated: 2013-05-24
Packaged: 2017-12-12 20:40:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/815826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fleurdeliser/pseuds/fleurdeliser, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tuesdaysgone/pseuds/tuesdaysgone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's not the first time Brian's done something crazy for Gerard, but this time he's determined to just enjoy every moment. Unfortunately that means dealing with a lot of things he never really wanted to face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	my spaceship knows which way to go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [alpheratz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/alpheratz/gifts).



> Thanks ever so much to tabulaxrasa for looking this over for us!

Brian hesitates for only half a second before DMing Gerard. _Where are you going, anyway? Also, your taste in art is weird._

_Texas. And the younger ones deserve to be told they're good, too. We were all young._

Brian stifles a laugh and hopes he doesn't disturb his sleeping seatmate. _And we're not anymore?_

 _We're totally young,_ Gerard responds. _But our talents are mostly refined. I'd rather give a kid with potential some encouragement._

Brian smiles. Of course. _Why Texas?_

_Research, like I said. Why, you wanna come with?_

He's kidding, Brian knows that, but that somehow doesn't stop him from sending back, _Yeah. What flight?_

It's maybe a bad idea. They've been spending more time together lately, but this would be… a concentrated dose for both of them. On the other hand, if Brian didn't like following Gerard down seemingly random flights of fancy and seeing his brain working and his ideas coming together, his entire life would be different right now. Sometimes he's wondered if he didn't just replace one addiction with another. Then he calls himself an asshole for thinking of another person that way.

 _Southwest 953,_ is the reply. _It's gonna be quick and dirty. Gotta get home for Mother's Day._

Brian has gone fucking nuts at last, because he's switching over to the Southwest app before he can talk himself out of it. He gets a ticket within a minute and DMs Gerard back. _See you at the gate._

*

 

Gerard looks surprised when he actually shows up, but there are two Starbucks cups by his feet.

"Is one of those mine or are you double-fisting?" Brian asks instead of saying hello. It's a serious question. He's known Gerard to do just that.

Gerard leans over and hands him a cup with a grin. "For you."

"Thank God," Brian breathes.

Gerard doesn't ask him any inconvenient questions, like why he's here, which is good because he doesn't know the answer to that one. But he's still looking at Brian with interest over the top of his coffee.

"You surprise me sometimes," he says.

Brian smiles. "I don't get to do that very often. Score one for me."

"More than one," Gerard says, with one of those smiles that does funny things to Brian's stomach.

"So. What are we researching?" Brian asks.

"Texas close to the Mexican border. Missions. Life," Gerard replies. Brian doesn't bother asking what the research is _for_. Gerard changes his mind about how he's going to use the things he learns every five minutes.

"Okay. So. The real question is, what are you feeding me when we get there?"

Gerard laughs big and loud and fuck, Brian has missed that so damn much. "Dude. We're going to southern Texas. We will find a Mexican restaurant and eat motherfucking enchiladas until we burst and be grateful that we will not wake up tomorrow with hangovers from the margaritas we won't be having."

"Enchiladas sound perfect," Brian says. "And I'm driving."

"Fine, fine," Gerard replies easily. "So you were out with your band?"

"They were playing the Bowery, I kind of had to," Brian replies.

"Fuck yeah you did," Gerard says easily.

"Next time they're in LA, you should come to a show," Brian says. "I'm betting you'd dig them."

Gerard smiles. "You think I didn't check them out already, Bri? I'd never doubt your or Jeff's word on a band."

Brian swallows and takes a sip of coffee. That's another thing he missed: Gerard's faith in him. That certainty that he can do anything he wants - which he can, because he's Gerard Way - and that anyone else can, too.

"Does Lindsey know I'm following you to Texas?" Brian asks.

"I told her and she laughed," Gerard replies. "I think she's relieved someone will be there to keep me out of trouble."

"Sounds like Lindsey," Brian says.

Boarding is announced and they get in line. Their seats aren't anywhere near each other, but that's fine. Brian will probably sleep anyway. He finds one of the quieter playlists on his iPod and closes his eyes.

He wakes up when the beverage cart goes through and gets a coke, and it wakes him up enough to get a little work done on his laptop. The descent into El Paso is smooth and Brian can practically feel the temperature rise the closer they get to the ground, despite the plane's climate controls. He is so not packed for Texas. Not that it matters. Brian has worn the same thing for the past ten years. He'll just forgo the hoodie for his shirt sleeves. It's only a day, he can survive without shorts. They deplane and Brian finds Gerard leaning against a pillar waiting for him.

"Did you sleep?" Gerard asks. It's pretty clear Gerard hasn't - he's wired. Brian is still getting used to a Gerard who's this genuinely energetic all the time and not just manic.

"For a while," Brian says. "And then I did some work. Not a bad flight."

"Good," Gerard replies and they start walking.

"Rental, lunch, Mission," Gerard says as they walk down a moving walkway.

"Like, your mission should you choose to accept it?" Brian asks. Gerard laughs and hits his arm. Brian bumps back his direction and Gerard laughs again. "For the record, I accept the mission," Brian says. "Also the list."

"It's an actual mission, though," Gerard explains. "The house of God kind."

He never changes. Even when everything has changed.

"I sort of figured, Gee," Brian says. And directs him to turn left in the direction of the rental counters. Gerard gives him a funny little half-smile and Brian realizes that he's also herding him gently with a hand behind his back. Brian pulls his hand back and mutters an apology. Gerard just grins and keeps going.

Gerard signs for the rental, but Brian, as threatened, snags the keys. Gerard just smiles and lets him. Gerard likes driving, but he likes looking through the windows at places he's interested in more. This is just better for both of them. Gerard taps at his phone for a while and then sets it on Brian's thigh, a map pulled up on Google Maps.

"Lunch," he says.

Brian glances down and nods. He follows the directions and Gerard chatters a little bit about what they're doing, about a funny thing Bandit said yesterday, about what Ray and Mikey have been up to since the last time they all hung out.

"Heard from Frank?" Brian asks.

"Yeah, he calls pretty often, usually from the studio so he can play me stuff. And he texts Lindsey pictures all the time."

"It feels really fucking weird that I was in his damn wedding, but I haven't met his kids yet," Brian admits as he turns.

"You'll probably have to go to Jersey," Gerard says, sounding a little regretful. "He's hard to pry away. No big surprise."

"Yeah," Brian says. "I wanted to see him when I was out there, but there was just no time."

"You guys are texting, right?" Gerard asks.

"A little," Brian replies. "It's… harder since I can't see his face. He's weirdly difficult to read sometimes."

"He's...dealing," Gerard says finally.

"Yeah," Brian replies. "I know how that is." Does he ever.

"Yeah," Gerard replies and squeezes Brian's forearm briefly.

"I do realize it was the best for everyone at the time. Now," Brian says.

"Maybe," Gerard replies, and that's about as close as Gerard ever gets to admitting he's wrong.

"If we'd have gone on any longer, it would have exploded instead of fizzled," Brian says. "And there'd have been no coming back from that." He leaves the "and we wouldn't be here" unsaid. They've talked about it before, of course. But it keeps coming up. Brian thinks they both sort of need the reassurance.

"Yeah," Gerard agrees. Brian would even bet money that he's right. They were headed nowhere good for a variety of reasons. Some of them he doesn't really like to talk about, or think about. Those are probably the ones that were the biggest problem. He feels like he has a better handle on that shit now. He hopes.

He finds the cantina and pulls the rental into the dusty parking lot. His stomach immediately growls, and Gerard giggles at him.

"Like you aren't hungry," Brian grumbles.

"Starving," Gerard agrees. They agree that their enchilada meal should be dinner and order burritos, and sit on the restaurant patio drinking water and eating chips and salsa while they wait.

Brian wonders what they look like. This rumpled, utterly nondescript dude with a permanent slouch and and an equally rumpled dude with way too many tattoos. Probably not much, he concludes. Like two people who know each other having lunch together. But he really fucking likes that he and Gerard can be two dudes sharing a meal again.

"So, the mission," he says after the burritos arrive and he's taken a few bites.

"I want to… get a feel for it, I guess. I always feel like I'm stepping into an alternate reality in those kinds of places," Gerard says.

"Is there anything you want me to do?" Brian asks. Might as well offer.

"Just hang out with me," Gerard says. "My agenda involves going and seeing. I know not having an itemized list makes you twitchy, but you don't get one."

Smartass. It does funny things to his insides, not that Gerard ever needs to know that.

"I can manage," he says and kicks Gerard's shin under the table. Gerard's goldfish face is always entertaining. Brian realizes suddenly that he's having fun. A lot of fun. Even though he should be (is) exhausted. Brian smiles and dips a chip in the salsa and takes a bite.

"My vengeance will be swift and unexpected," Gerard tells him threateningly. Brian snorts.

"You don't scare me."

Gerard sighs. "Everyone says that. I'm taking karate classes now! I could totally kick your ass."

"But you wouldn't because you don't actually like violence," Brian says confidently. "Not the real kind."

He doesn't remind Gerard about the stuntman thing. Sometimes it feel like that was another him, anyway. What was it Gerard just said? An AU him.

They finish their food and drive out to the mission. Gerard was right. It does feel like stepping into another world, maybe even another time. They walk a circuit around and just look at everything once and then they go around again. Gerard is taking pictures and tweeting them, so he doesn't notice right away that Brian keeps getting texts.

"You don't have to keep tabs on me anymore, Schechter," Gerard says after a while.

Brian rolls his eyes. "I'm not. But I'm a busy guy who doesn't actually _read_ twitter that often and I like knowing what you're up to. It's not _just_ you," he says. It's just _mostly_ him. And… his bands. "Apparently right now you're up to… confusing kids about your religious beliefs."

Gerard sighs. "I didn't think it would be that hard to understand. And there are always a couple kids who are really shitty, and it just... I don't know. I'm trying to talk about the stuff that's important to me. Not all of it is the same stuff that was important to me ten years ago, you know?"

Brian nods. He knows.

"Don't think I haven't noticed you stepping in," Gerard adds after he takes a few more pictures.

"'Stepping in' is a strong phrase," Brian says. "It's more… finally being able to speak my mind because I don't work for you and Lauren is the one who gets to be demure and attempt to be nice to everyone."

"You never did like that much, did you," Gerard murmurs. He snaps a picture of Brian just before Brian looks up the whole way.

"It is a carefully honed skill, but not one I get much joy out of using," Brian replies.

It's a bit cooler when they've finally finished doing whatever Gerard intended to do in the mission, so they walk around outside a little. Gerard segues from theorizing about God to talking about going to meetings. This is familiar territory too, and they've covered it a lot lately, sitting on the patio with Lindsey, over fast food with Jeff.

When Brian got sober, it was weird and unreal to him. Mostly because he thought he knew the signs. Thought he knew what to look for, thought he'd _know_ when it got bad because he'd done it with Gerard. Looking back, he realizes how fucked up it was to _expect_ it to get bad, but still do nothing.

But then, he didn't even do anything when it _did_ get bad because he missed the signs waiting for his own downward spiral to start looking like Gerard's. It ended up being Gerard who pointed out that he was hovering just above bottom and maybe Brian needed help.

It upsets him to know he couldn't be there for Gerard when he started struggling again. Not out if any sense of obligation, but it's always felt like this was a thing they were in together.

"What is it?" Gerard says after a long pause. "Are you going to apologize again? Brian...."

"No. Done apologizing. Just--glad isn't the word, but I can't think of another one--that this is a thing we can support each other about again," he finally says.

"Appreciative?" Gerard says.

"Yeah, that works," Brian says and bumps his shoulder into Gerard's.

Gerard turns it on him and wraps him in a hug. "Me too."

They're both sweaty, and dusty, and their skin sticks together, but Brian lets out a slow breath. It's perfect.

He squeezes back and they stand there hugging in the setting Texas sun for a few minutes. It feels better than any hug he's gotten in a long time. Even better than when his kids got off stage the night before and practically tackled him.

"You're buying me dinner," he mumbles into Gerard's neck. "And you're going to let me keep stepping in."

"Were either of those things really in doubt?" Gerard asks as he pulls back. He's got that smile on his face again. The one that does funny things to Brian.

"Does your magical mystery tour have any recommended restaurants?" Brian asks.

"Already picked it," Gerard says and shows him a place on a road they passed on the way to the mission.

"You want to drive?" Brian offers.

"Nah," Gerard replies and they get in the car. It's oppressively hot and Brian turns on the engine to get the air blasting.

Gerard's phone rings - Lindsey and the Beezle calling to say goodnight. Brian turns the radio down and listens to Gerard talk with a smile playing around the corners of his mouth. The life of a husband and father suits Gerard in ways Brian finds surprising. Not that he ever thought Gerard would be _bad_ at either, but he wears it like an old, favorite jacket now.

"I'm glad your wife doesn't hate me, by the way," Brian finds himself saying when Gerard hangs up.

"She has bigger fish to fry than you, Schechter," Gerard says. "Also, she always liked you."

"Well, I always liked her too," Brian says.

"Good," Gerard replies. "You're really important to me. It would fucking suck if you guys didn't get along."

"You learn directness from Frank?" Brian jokes. Mostly to cover how goddamn touched he is.

"I've learned a lot of things from Frank," Gerard says. Which is...vague. "That kid is just about the best guy I know."

Brian nods. That's always been the truth. Even when he was angry and hurt. He knew if Frank agreed to it, it was the right thing.

"This is the new me," Gerard adds. "I say what's on my mind."

"It's good," Brian says. "You're really important to me too, okay?"

Brian feels strange and tingly saying it, but it's true and Gerard deserves that much.

"I'm glad," Gerard replies. "I want to be."

Brian pulls into the restaurant lot and parks before he lets himself turn to Gerard and smile. "Ready to eat?"

As promised, they eat a shitload of enchiladas and Gerard orders a Shirley Temple and it's stupidly charming. It's a fun meal. They always have a lot to talk about. Gerard insists again that he should text Frank more.

"You two are like, musical soulmates."

"I'll keep trying," Brian promises. "And make a point to visit him next time I'm out there."

"Good. You should," Gerard says and pays the check. Brian smiles. Gerard's always trying to take care of people in his own way.

"I haven't actually asked if you got a hotel room or if you were just planning on..." Brian waves a hand.

"Yeah, I have a room. Wanna share just like old times, Schechter?" Gerard asks with a grin as he finishes the remainder of his Shirley Temple and they get up from the table.

"If it were like old times, there would be about eight of us and we'd smell about two hundred percent worse," Brian replies.

Gerard tips his head back and laughs. "This is true. C'mon. We're at the Marriott by the airport."

"All right, let's roll," Brian says, digging out the keys.

He drives them back toward the airport and stands around while Gerard checks them in. And isn't _that_ weird. It has definitely been the opposite every other time Brian has been anywhere near a hotel with Gerard Way.

Gerard seems to be thinking it too, because he is definitely smirking when he walks over to Brian with the key card.

"The hotel is going to get the wrong idea," Brian tells him.

Gerard shrugs with a slight smile on his face. "Oh well. I'm not famous enough for anyone to give a shit, anyway."

He's more famous than he thinks, always. But he's probably right. The part of Brian that thinks jumping out of planes is fun just wanted to know what Gerard would say. He should have known Gerard would be unconcerned and deflect. That's something that comes naturally to him when this kind of subject comes up. Hell, just look at Gerard's response to the hecklers at ProRev.

They take the elevator up to the room and Brian chuckles a little bit when they just automatically go to their preferred sides of the bed. Gerard usually shared with Mikey, but when Mikey took his break, it was usually Brian.

Brian digs through his backpack for his Dopp kit, and smiles when he finds a Five Knives t-shirt crumpled at the bottom of the bag. "Present for you, Gee," he says and tosses it over.

Gerard catches it and holds it out to look at it. "I like their font," Gerard says.

Brian smiles. "I'll tell them, they'll be psyched."

"If they want art for a t-shirt or whatever, I'd probably be able to do something," he offers.

"You're like, the busiest guy I know. Except maybe me. You don't need to, Gee," Brian says.

"I think it'd be fun," Gerard says. He starts stripping down, tossing his outer layers over the desk chair, his shoes hitting the floor with twin thunks. Brian takes a deep breath and follows suit.

Brian is truly fucking exhausted and that's probably the only thing that keeps him from lying awake over-thinking everything. He actually sleeps like the dead until Gerard's alarm goes off the next morning.

It's really fucking loud.

"Take your hearing aid out, Grandpa?" Brian grumbles.

Gerard flops over and grabs his phone. And his actual hearing aid sitting on the side table. He must have been sleeping on the wrong side. "What?" Gerard asks.

Brian just laughs. "Nothing."

Gerard gives him a quizzical look. His hair is sticking up in a sweaty crest on top of his head. Brian wants to sink a hand in it and tug. Unfortunately. Instead, he rolls out of bed and goes to piss. He's got a headache pounding in his forehead and down his face and shit, that will be murder on the plane. Hopefully some Tylenol will take care of it.

Gerard sees him washing down a palmful of pills with water and tugs on his belt loop as he walks by. "No hangovers," he says.

"Just aches and pains," Brian replies. "Fucking old. "

"I have a hearing aid now," Gerard says. "It's ridiculous."

"I know you have a hearing aid," Brian replies. "Half a million people know you have a hearing aid."

"Shut up," Gerard says with a grin. "I need coffee."

"Fuck, me too," Brian replies.

"Coffee, airport, Hell AX," Gerard says.

"Home sweet home," Brian says.

"LA or LAX?" Gerard asks.

"Sometimes, I'm not even sure," Brian replies.

"As long as I get to see you coming or going," Gerard says cheerfully.

"Always," Brian agrees. They get ready for the day and get out the door for the airport.

This time, Brian sleeps the entire flight and wakes up feeling… fuzzy.

"Shit," he coughs. He shakes himself. Coffee will fix it. It has to.

He deplanes and finds Gerard waiting for him again.

"Is this where we say goodbye?" Brian asks, a little raspy.

"You okay?" Gerard asks.

"Fine. Just woke up is all," he replies.

"I suppose so," Gerard says after giving him a _look_. "Thanks for coming, Brian."

"It was fun, Gee. Really. Tell Lindsey happy Mother's Day from me," Brian says.

"I will. Lunch with Jeff in a few days?"

"Definitely," Gerard replies.

Brian gets some coffee before taking the shuttle to his car. Hopefully a good night's sleep in his own bed will help.

He wakes up the next morning - after sleeping a good sixteen hours - feeling like deep-fried road kill. "Fuck," he croaks. His entire face hurts and he wants to roll over and go back to sleep for a million years. But apparently the thing that woke him up was his phone.

He could ignore it. But he knows whose ringtone that is. "Hi, Gee," he says. "What can I do for you?"

"Fuck," Gerard says. "What the hell did you do to yourself? You sound like shit."

"Feel like shit," he replies. "Pretty sure my face is going to explode."

"Um, that's not really something to joke about with this band's history," Gerard says.

"Shit. Sorry," Brian says.

"Go to the doctor, Schechter," Gerard orders. "I know you weren't around for that part, but we take care of ourselves now. No more trying to push through shit when we don't have to. I will fucking come there and drive you if I have to."

"Do you know how long it is since I've been to the doctor?" Brian coughs again.

"I am texting you the address of the urgent care near your house," Gerard says. "I am a dad now, Brian, don't mess with me."

"Ugh, fine," Brian replies.

"C'mon. Get up now. Wanna hear you do it," Gerard presses.

Brian rolls onto his feet and out of bed. "'M up," Brian mutters.

"Call me when you get home," Gerard says. Brian is too tired to roll his eyes. But he gets himself into sweats and into his car and to the doctor, swearing internally the entire time.

He checks in and sits in the waiting room and feels distinctly uncomfortable. His name is finally called and he goes through all the right motions. The doctor comes in and does a few things and asks a few questions and writes him a couple of prescriptions. Brian sighs and drives to the pharmacy. He sleeps in his car while they fill them. When his phone alarm wakes him up, he scowls and types out an irritated tweet before going for his prescriptions and driving home. He's dialing Gerard as he heads in the door.

"Good job," Gerard says. "Take your first dose. Bandit says she'll tell you a bedtime story."

"A bedtime story?"

"I told her you were sick and she insisted. She's really good at them," Gerard replies proudly.

"Okay," Brian says. It's really fucking cute, actually. He goes into his bathroom, tosses his first dose into his mouth and washes them down with a splash of water from his hand. Then he crawls into bed fully clothed and says, "done."

"Okay, here she is… say hi, Bandit."

"Hi," she says. He wonders if she suddenly got shy.

"Hi Lady B," he replies. "How are you today?"

"Good. Daddy said you're sick. I _hate_ being sick."

"Me too, kiddo."

"You have to pick a story," she says.

"Do you know any stories about dragons?" he asks. If he knows anything about Gerard, the answer to that is yes.

"Lots. I know one about a space dragon," she offers.

"That sounds awesome," he says.

"Okay!" she replies and starts in on the story. Brian's pretty sure his brain is a little too fuzzy to keep up with her, but it's still a great story, made even greater when she stops to ask Gerard a question and he quietly prompts her with the part she's forgetting. He's not entirely sure he's not already asleep when Bandit says, "Feel better," and Gerard adds,

"Love you, Bri."

"Love you too," Brian mutters. "'S no fair using stupidly cute toddlers to guilt me into sleep."

Gerard chuckles softly. "You'd have done it anyway."

"Unconscious now," Brian yawns.

"Sleep," Gerard says. "I'll be over tomorrow. Lindsey is making you chicken noodle soup." Gerard hangs up then and Brian lets himself drift into actual sleep.

The antibiotics work. Really well. When Brian wakes up the next morning he feels a bit more human, if gross and sweaty and weak. He checks his phone and sees a text from Gerard telling him to text him when he wakes up. Brian vaguely remembers Gerard promising to come over and something about soup. He shoots an, _awake_ in Gerard's direction and gets up. Maybe he could manage a shower.

The shower feels good. Brian pulls on clean sweats and shakes out another dose of medicine.

Gerard knocks on his door twenty minutes later. He's got a reusable grocery bag that is clearly full of stuff. "Get well soon care package. We even got you the awesome lotion Kleenex."

"I don't know why you're going to all this trouble, but I'll take it," Brian coughs.

Gerard gives him a _look_ and goes into his kitchen and starts unpacking the bag. There are two large containers of soup, cough drops, Kleenex, and… a coloring book and a box of crayons. "Bandit's contribution," Gerard says with a grin.

"I don't think I can sit up long enough to color," Brian says. "But don't tell her that."

Gerard grins. "For when you start feeling better, then. Soup now or soup later? I've been instructed to not leave until you've eaten _something_."

"Later," Brian says. If he's honest, the shower kind of took it out of him and all he wants to do is sit.

"You heard the not leaving part, right?" Gerard asks.

"Yeah," Brian replies. "Watch terrible daytime TV with me for a while?"

"Sure."

He sees Gerard sit down in his armchair with the remote, but he falls asleep even before Gerard has settled on a program.

When he wakes up again, he ends up looking straight at Gerard, who appears to be contentedly watching TV. He looks at the TV and it's… cartoons. Brian lets out a raspy chuckle.

"Shut up, _Adventure Time_ is great."

"The thing is, I know you, and you can't blame this one on the kid."

Gerard makes a face at him. "Do you want soup now?"

"Sure, I could take some soup," he replies. He moves to get up, but Gerard stops him.

"I can figure out where shit is and use the microwave. Don't get up. How much do you hate this?" Gerard asks him with a little crooked smile. "Not being the one managing everything?"

Brian takes a breath and lets it out. "Not as much as I could. Helps that it's you."

"I feel special," Gerard says, then he starts banging things around in the kitchen for a minute. Brian closes his eyes again and opens them when he can smell soup.

Gerard sets a bowl on top of a pot holder on Brian's coffee table, sits next to him, and gives him a spoon. Brian takes a bite. "Oh, fuck, this is good. Well. I'm pretty sure it's good. What I can taste."

"Of course it's good," Gerard replies. "You can trust me."

"I do, Gee," Brian says. "Shit, did she make the noodles too?" Gerard smirks. Brian throws the pot holder at him. "Yes, you won the wife lottery," he says.

Gerard grins. "I really did." He stands up. "I'm going now, because I have things I need to do today. And because I have fed you. Don't backslide on me, Schechter."

"It's adorable when you try to be bossy," Brian tells him dryly.

"Shut up, I can totally be bossy. You're just better at it. Feel better, Brian," he says. "Call if you need anything. I mean it."

And just like that, he's gone. Brian takes a deep breath. _Thank you. And thank Lindsey and Bandit for me too,_ he texts. He texts Lindsey his thanks, just in case Gerard forgets and lets himself drift back to sleep to the sound of Nick Jr.

 

*

 

Brian feels like all he does for days is watch cartoons, and take pills, and eat soup. Eventually, he feels good enough to work on his laptop for a while each day.

Gerard keeps up a steady stream of entertaining texts and phone calls. It's… nice. It isn't until Brian starts feeling better that he really starts feeling like he might be fucked, here. He somehow can't bring himself to care. Which. At least is a change from before because he was so _angry_ with himself about it.

He texts Jeff and Gerard about having lunch when he finally feels like he needs to leave his house. They agree and have a really great lunch. It's… kind of like a meeting sometimes, hanging out with them, but in all the best ways. Gerard talks about some movie he watched with Mikey, about having ramen with Jimmy and Chantal, and Jeff chimes in with some of the crazy things he's seen that week. Brian mostly listens.

Jeff leaves first, he's got an early meeting. Gerard and Brian linger over their cokes and Gerard tells him about what he's working on, how excited he is for his comic to come out, silly stories about Bandit. As they leave, he extracts a promise from Brian to come over the next Saturday afternoon.

Brian nods automatically. "And before I forget, you ought to - I can't believe I'm saying this - come to Warped with me in June."

Gerard laughs hard. When he's done, he's still grinning wide when he says yes. "Sounds like fun."

Brian smiles back. "It will be."

Gerard squeezes his shoulder and goes toward his car. Brian gets in his own and drives back to his office. Time to get some work done.

 

*

 

When Brian shows up at the Ways' house on Saturday, Gerard's car is gone, and when Lindsey lets him inside Bandit doesn't appear either. "Just a post office run," Lindsey says, "but that just means we can chat a little."

Brian smiles over a slightly nervous flutter in his stomach. "Thank you again for the soup. It was fucking amazing."

"I was happy to do it," Lindsey says. "Especially since it made Gerard so happy to be able to take care of you."

Brian swallows. "He… having his friendship again means a lot to me." Lindsey's the kind of person you just have to be honest with.

"I think he'd say the same," Lindsey replies.

"And it's good to connect with you again. And see the Beezle. She's getting so big," he says.

"She's a little lady," Lindsey says. "She takes after her daddy, though. And she likes you."

Brian grins. "I like her too. Her bedtime story when I was sick was a true masterpiece."

"I'm glad you went with him," Lindsey says after a moment. "You keep him grounded."

"I was glad to go. He brings out the spontaneous guy who likes adventures in me," Brian says. "I don't let him out often."

"Maybe you should."

The garage door slams and feet patter across the kitchen floor. "Brian!" Bandit shouts and leaps at him. He catches her with an "oof" and twirls her around a couple of times just to hear her squeal and giggle.

"Hi, pretty girl," he says. "Brought you something." He pulls a folded piece of paper out of his pocket; he'd spent a good half hour coloring one of her pictures the other evening.

She beams impossibly wide, a smile that definitely reminds him of Lindsey, and immediately goes to the fridge and puts it on there next to her own artwork.

"Fridgeworthy," Gerard murmurs in his ear.

Brian smiles. "It was actually pretty fun. Maybe I'll take up coloring as one of my hobbies."

"Along with skydiving?" Gerard asks.

"Don't knock skydiving. It's like sex. At least I'm getting a thrill somehow."

Gerard laughs and Brian tells himself he imagines the slight pink that stains his cheeks. "I would never."

Brian catches Lindsey's eye. She just winks and hands him a diet coke. "Let's go sit outside."

Bandit runs around the yard blowing bubbles while they sip their drinks. Lindsey settles in with her feet in Gerard's lap. Gerard twirls a cigarette in his fingers, but he doesn't light it right away.

"I don't know how you two have managed to find _two_ perfect houses in LA," Brian says looking around.

"Fate," Gerard says. "Your place is nice too, Bri."

Brian grins. "It's not bad. I don't share any walls with anyone and there's a pool nearby. I can't complain too much."

"Don't forget motorcycle parking. And you wouldn't anyway," Gerard says sagely.

"Probably not. I really like the pool, though," he says.

"That's probably what ensured we got exactly what we wanted with this place," Lindsey says. " _Not_ getting a pool. Everyone else wants one."

"Goth kids," Brian says.

Lindsey laughs. "Also, almost-four-year-old. It's just easier."

"Good point," Brian says. He stands up to stretch his legs and after a moment, Gerard follows him and slings an arm around his shoulders. Brian grins up at him and wraps his arm around Gerard's waist and squeezes back. He sort of wants to bury his face in Gerard's shoulder and not let go for a while, but Bandit finds an exciting bug and they have to go inspect it.

Lindsey disappears inside to start dinner, and a few minutes later Brian gets tugged into Gerard's office to look at something. He has stacks and stacks of art and various items that were clearly forced into, padded large envelopes.

"I still can't believe you weren't expecting that to happen." Gerard shrugs. Brian rolls his eyes. "How can you not know how much everyone loves you, Gee?"

Gerard shrugs again. "I've never been…accessible like Frank. And I…forget."

"You don't have to be like Frank, you're you, and -" Brian makes a frustrated noise and walks over to the bookshelf. This discussion is not going to end well. For him.

"It was kind of eye-opening," Gerard says quietly. "I'll try not to forget again."

"I don't think your ego would let you," Brian says and shoots a smile over his shoulder at Gerard. There was a time he wouldn't have used the e-word with Gerard. There was a time he couldn't have joked about it, too. Those times aren't now. Thank fuck.

Gerard just rolls his eyes. Before things got bad between them, he would have done the same. Just thinking about that period of time makes Brian tense.

"Let's go find Lindsey, something smells great."

Being around Gerard makes his chest hurt sometimes. Mostly in a good way. Or at least a way he can live with. Right now, it's a little uncomfortable. They find Lindsey putting a plate of hors d'oeuvres together, Bandit industriously folding napkins into something unrecognizable.

Brian starts talking about one of his bands, just to distract himself. Both of them seem interested, though, so it's fine. They get into a discussion about what "making it" means these days and what it takes for a new band now as opposed to when they were all staring out. They eventually sit down to eat and start talking about art instead.

Gerard quotes Grant Morrison half a dozen times, as he's prone to do, and Lindsey talks about her latest art project. Bandit also joins the conversation, mostly talking about how much she loved Lindsey's Adventure Time piece, which Brian hasn't seen. Lindsey leaves Gerard cleaning up and takes him back to show him her photo portfolio after dinner.

"Shit, Lindsey," he says. "I knew you were good, but this is incredible. I feel like I shouldn't ever even be in the same room with it, or it might spontaneously combust or something."

"It's one of the reasons I like paper," she says. "It's the most fragile thing in the world. But if you know what to do with it..."

"Makes sense," he replies. "I like that."

She grins. "Mostly, I end up covered in glue and paper scraps. But it's fun."

"I should probably get going," he says as they walk back out into the living room. Gerard makes a disappointed face at him. "Hey, I'm trying to do this thing called getting enough sleep and taking care of what I need to at decent hours so I don't end up on antibiotics again."

"Come back soon," Gerard says, echoed by Bandit.

"I will," he promises and gets hugs from all three of them. On the drive back to Venice he makes sure his stereo is louder than his thoughts. It works. It always does. That's why he's in the music business.

 

*

 

"Jeff," Brian says into the phone one morning, propping his sock feet on his desk, "what's up?"

"We should go on a ride sometime soon," Jeff says in lieu of greeting.

"Okay, yeah," Brian says, biting back a "how are you?" Jeff will tell him if he wants to.

"I don't have much time during the week this week, but let’s say Friday evening?" Jeff asks.

"Absolutely," Brian replies. "Where do you want to meet?"

"Your place. We can ride the PCH from there."

"Sounds good. Friday's a light day for me, so come whenever," he replies.

 

*

 

The next day, he sends Frank a text. _You should check out The Long Lost Band. I think you'd like them._

About two minutes later, he gets an email with a demo attached. Brian listens. Even if it _weren't_ Frank's voice over top, Brian would know it was something Frank had a hand in.

 _It's great, Frank,_ Brian texts.

 _So is yours,_ Frank texts back. _Bought their EP, listening right now._

_So bummed they already had a manager when I saw them the first time. How are you?_

_Busy,_ Frank sends back. _Forgot what a clusterfuck festivals can be._

Brian chuckles. _You haven't been out of the game_ that _long._

_Okay, festivals when it's not MCR I'm playing with. And that's been a while._

_If I know you, you'll hate it until you hit the stage, and then pick back up where you left off after. Fair tradeoff?_

_Probably. Hey, I checked out your new bands. I like all of them._

_Thought you would. I am known for my great taste, you know,_ Brian answers.

_Haha obviously. Gee says you've been hanging out a lot._

_When we have time._

_I'm glad. Sorry I'm missing it, really._

_You'd miss your family more._

_The rest of my family,_ Frank replies, and Brian smiles a little.

 _Any chance you have to come negotiate with Warner legal again soon?_ Brian asks.

_You'll hear about it if I do._

_Good,_ Brian replies. _Hey, how's J? And the kids? I gotta meet them sometime._

_Great. And yes. Bandit shouldn't get all the spoiling._

Brian smiles and sends him a picture that Lindsey took of him, Gerard, and Bandit the other weekend. He gets one back of Frank's whole family.

 _Good genes,_ he types.

 _Duh,_ Frank replies. Brian laughs and puts his phone down. That's better.

He goes to see a band play in the Valley on Thursday night, and practically convinces himself to stop by the Ways' but resists and goes home instead. He does let himself sleep in Friday.

He gets up and works from home until Jeff calls him from the driveway. It's still early enough to be a little too warm in his leather jacket, but he shrugs it on anyway and goes to meet Jeff. Jeff is idling right behind his bike with his helmet under his arm.

"How long has it been since you rode, Schechter?"

"To the office last week," Brian retorts. "But way too long since it was just for fun."

"Definitely. Then let's go have some."

Once they get on the road, the leather jacket doesn't seem as oppressively warm. As they drive up the coast, Brian fleetingly wishes he could take Gerard for a ride. Lindsey would probably have less of a fit if it wasn't Gerard driving. He'll ask. The worst that can happen is she says no.

Jeff takes the lead, and they ride up the coast for a while until they get to a scenic overlook they've stopped at before, They enjoy the view for several long moments. He keeps quiet again. Jeff is better than Brian will ever be about talking about his feelings. If he wants to talk, he will. Brian can't imagine what Jeff has been through with Missy's death.

"What's going on, Brian?" he asks finally.

Wait, what?

"With… what?" he asks. He's honestly confused.

"You. Gerard. I know how it was for you before, man," Jeff says. And wow, he did not realize he was being that fucking obvious. Jesus.

"It's - nothing, Jeff, fuck. I didn't know I was - fuck."

Jeff squeezes his shoulder. "It's not as if you have it tattooed on your forehead. But I know you, Schechter. You're not one to stop feeling something just because of a few years of not talking to someone."

"Fuck, I hated him," Brian says.

"Yeah, but you still loved him. The two aren't mutually exclusive," Watson says.

"Yeah, well, he's got a family now, and he's actually fucking happy. I need to get over myself. He doesn't need me. It's an old, bad habit to think that -"

"Schechter. This is probably going to be the cheesiest thing I ever say, but. You get it anyway. Love is not a bad habit to break or an addiction you need to quit." His words are quiet, but firm.

Brian sighs deeply. "So what do you suggest I do, Watson? Because this kind of sucks."

Jeff just looks at him. "You're going to say 'talk to him,' and then I'm going to say no, so let's just not," Brian adds.

Jeff smiles. "Fair. But I think… there are more possibilities than you think there are. And that's the last I'll say about it unless you bring it up."

Brian is not planning on bringing it up.

"Let's go get burgers," Jeff says.

"And milkshakes," Brian adds. He deserves a fucking milkshake.

"You got it, boss," Jeff answers and taps on the side of his helmet. After that, they bitch about their jobs, about artists, about bills, and life. It's good.

It's good, but he can't stop thinking about Jeff's advice. Jeff doesn't give bad advice. Ever. But. It's Gerard. And him. And they haven't actually been friends again for _that_ long. Brian is absolutely not going to risk that. He's just not.

He keeps to himself for a few days after that, spending most of his time prepping his bands for their tours, rapping with their tour managers, making arrangements as best he can in advance. He texts with Frank in New Jersey more than he does with Gerard. He comes out of it feeling better, though. Knowing that he misses Gerard because Gerard is, first and foremost, his friend. He's not just spending time with Gerard for the thrill of it or what the fuck ever. It's like the day with the letters, though. Gerard has no idea what Brian would do for him - has done for him. He doesn't need to.

So he calls Gerard and they have lunch, and then a few days later, they go out to dinner. Granted, a bunch of people are there, including Lindsey, but it happens. The next week, he goes over to the house and colors with him and Bandit for a couple of hours. It continues like that for a while. Gerard is always quietly pleased to see him and quietly disappointed when Brian decides it's time to retreat. But never anything more. Brian begins to think he's made it over whatever plateau he needed to.

Warped is coming up sooner and sooner. It's going to be so weird to be in that environment again with Gerard, but Brian hopes they both have fun too. Gerard - this new Gerard, this post-band Gerard - is all about fun. About experiences. Maybe he always was, but it's different when he's not hiding it under a veil of ...something to prove. The only person he's proving anything to these days is himself. It's really fucking good for him, Brian can tell.

Nathan texts him early to tell him when they go on that day. It's mid-afternoon, which Brian figures will probably be about perfect.

He calls Gerard. "I'll pick you up at noon tomorrow, Gee? If you think you'll be done communing with nature by then?"

"Fuck you," Gerard laughs.

"So noon. The kids play at two fifteen, so that'll give us time to fight with traffic and maybe grab some food," he says.

"Sounds good," Gerard replies. "See you then."

Brian's precisely on time the next day. So is Gerard. He walks out the front door and waves as Brian pulls in. He's wearing a plaid shirt and jeans and looks less rock-star-like than Brian's barista this morning. Brian has to laugh a little. Gerard always likes defying expectations.

They go pick up lunch from a food truck that parks near Gerard's house and drive down to Pomona. Traffic is terrible, as predicted, but there's music and Gerard's in the passenger seat, so it could be worse.

Venue security gets them inside soon enough, but they have time to wander around side stages for a while before Five Knives goes on. Gerard doesn't get recognized as much as Brian expected he would, but then, most of the kids are focused on the bands on stage, not the regular joes in the crowd. And when it happens, Brian easily steps in when Gerard looks overwhelmed and draws him away. Finally, they make use of the all-access passes hanging from their belts and go back into the artists area.

He sees his kids before they see him, and gets the pleasure of seeing them recognize Gerard, too. "Yeah, I brought you a present. Hey, guys."

"Brian! You finally brought your boyfriend to meet us!" Anna says. Brian's stomach drops.

Gerard is already fucking beaming and shaking hands. "Hi! It's great to meet you. I'm a big fan."

The kids beam and chat with Gerard and Brian can't say a fucking word. Gerard just… acted like it was true.

"Come on, Schechter," Nathan says when Brian apparently totally spaces out on answering something. "Don't be mad."

"I'm not - I never said - he's married, guys."

"It was a joke. Lighten up, Schechter," Anna says light and joking and Brian pastes a smile on his face and rolls his eyes. He tries to answer Nathan's question.

Gerard touches his elbow a minute later. "I need to make a quick call, don't run off on me." He smiles. Brian nods and smiles back and forces himself to focus on his band. They have mostly typical and totally absurd Warped stories. It's like he stepped into a time warp.

"You're cranky today," Anna says.

"I'm a suit," he replies. "I'm supposed to be cranky. Now go out there and make me look good." He smiles to show her he's done being a space cadet. "Hey, how have things been just for you? Anybody need an ass kicking? Not that you haven't done your own ass kicking, but some people deserve it twice."

She smiles. "A few minor asshole moments, but ass kickings have been dealt out and it's all good. You're a good dude, Schechter."

"Oh good, something I can jump in and agree with and pretend I didn't just disappear to make a phone call," Gerard says from beside Brian's ear.

Brian feels his face get red again, but he ignores it. "You totally have all the good dirt on Schechter," Anna says with a wicked gleam in her eye.

"And I earned it all the hard way," Gerard says primly, slinging an arm around Brian's shoulders. "You will too. It's character-building."

She laughs. "Is that your aged rock star advice?"

Gerard just grins. "Yup. Experience things. Take risks. Don't rely on the advice of aged rock stars. It's the only way to move forward."

"We gotta get going," Shane says. "Thanks for coming, dudes."

"Of course," Brian says.

"Kill it," Gerard adds. They follow the band out and stand side-stage while they play.

It's a solid set and Brian doesn't bother to hide his pleasure - in his kids, or in Gerard's obvious appreciation. But they slip off by mutual agreement after Five Knives tumbles off the stage, to let them enjoy their performance high. Gerard follows Brian silently through the maze of all-access areas. They find the food service tent and grab sodas and find a spot of shade to sit.

"They're really good," Gerard says as he cracks open his soda.

"Yeah, they've got it," Brian replies. "I'm glad to see them out here." He sighs. "Look, Gee -"

"What?" Gerard asks, face totally innocent. Brian holds in a sigh.

"Does Lindsey know you go around letting other people think you're dating random dudes?"

"You're not a random dude, Bri. And Lindsey knows everything."

"Or just nothing," Brian replies. Because seriously.

Gerard shrugs. "No, everything."

Brian rubs the bridge of his nose under his sunglasses. He'd almost forgotten that sometimes, Gerard is a fucking pain in the ass. "You're not my boyfriend, Gee," he says tiredly.

"Would you like me to be?" Gerard asks it completely conversationally, and Brian freezes with his fingers still pinching his nose.

"Gerard, don't. Please."

"If that's what you want, Schechter." Gerard leans in and kisses Brian on the cheek and stands. "I'm gonna go watch the Black Veil Brides set."

And the fucker just leaves. Brian scowls at the scratched top of the folding table and then yanks his phone out of his pocket. _I am leaving your husband in Pomona,_ he texts Lindsey.

 _It's not that I don't understand the impulse, but I would prefer his safe return at some point._ And wow. He's had a lot of weird impulses lately, but following through on texting the wife of the man he's in love with is a bit. Well. Him.

He puts his phone back into his pocket before he can continue to complain about Gerard to his fucking wife, but it buzzes before he takes his hand off it. Lindsey texted again.

_He told me what he did, so you don't need to. Sorry if he embarrassed you._

He stares at his phone, starting and erasing text after text. Finally he takes a deep breath and just calls her. "The thing is, I'm embarrassed by myself," he says as soon as she picks up. "I got over two thousand fucking nine, but I can't seem to get over two thousand four."

"What do you mean, Brian?" she asks - more kindly than he thinks he deserves. "Why do you think you need to?"

"Because he doesn't need me anymore!"

She actually laughs. Brian frowns. "Maybe not in the same way, but I'm pretty sure that didn't end up being good for _you_ ," she says when she's done laughing. "If you're not over oh-four, you'd still be trying to manage his life. Should he fire Lauren and hire you again?"

"Fuck, no," Brian says automatically.

She snorts. "Then you must want something else, Brian."

"Even if I… I can't have it. I can't believe I'm having this conversation with you at all," he says. "I'm sorry."

"If I didn't want to be having it, I wouldn't be," Lindsey replies. "Also, I texted Gerard to get his ass back to wherever he left you, so either you're welcome, or _I'm_ sorry. Try to let me know soon if I have to drive to Pomona to retrieve him, okay, Schechter?" She hangs up.

He pulls his phone away from his ear and stares at it again. He is not entirely sure what just happened.

"I'm gonna have to send the Black Veil Brides something nice so they don't think I hated their set," Gerard says. He's got a smile playing at the corner of his lips and Brian can't see his eyes under those fucking sunglasses.

"Maybe you can make them a certificate," Brian snarks half-heartedly.

Gerard laughs. "Whatever, my certificates are awesome. Let's go, Schechter. The sweet bliss of your car's air conditioner awaits. Also, it's really loud here."

"Whatever, Grandpa." Brian shakes his head and tosses his soda can into a nearby recycling bin, letting Gerard trail him back toward the parking lot.

They get in the car and Brian blasts the AC and pulls out and drives. "Let's find somewhere we can just sit and talk," Gerard suggests and Brian's stomach flips.

He grits his teeth and keeps driving until he sees a rest stop. He puts the car in park and finally looks at Gerard, who pushes his sunglasses up on top of his head. "The way I see it, we can talk about this, talk about us, or we can try to ignore it forever," Gerard says.

"I was all set for ignoring it forever," Brian replies.

"You also think it's fun to jump out of planes," Gerard points out.

"Touché," Brian says. "Gee, you're married and you have a kid. I don't need to talk about it. I know where I stand. I knew where I stood when you met Lindsey, when you got married, when you fired me, and when we started talking again. There has never been a moment when I didn't know."

"Except you don't. Did you know Lindsey has a girlfriend? You know her, Bri, come on. They spend a lot of time together and she's part of our lives and her husband is awesome," Gerard says.

Brian opens his mouth, then closes it again. A couple of things make a sudden amount of sense.

"I've always had the option to be with someone else, but I just… I was busy or this or that and I've never actually done it," Gerard says.

"And now you're not busy, so you might as well?" Brian asks quietly.

"And now the person I really wanted in the first place is talking to me again and I'm still busy as fuck, but I wanna make it work," Gerard says.

Brian takes a deep breath. "That would be me?"

"It was always you, you shithead."

Brian chokes out a laugh. "Fucker. I've been in love with you from like, day one. Maybe day two."

"I know," Gerard says, and laughs.

"Fucker," Brian repeats and grabs the collar of Gerard's stupid plaid shirt, pulls him close, and kisses him hard. Gerard actually whines into it, clinging like Brian might disappear. Which...is understandable. It's - familiar, is what it is. Gerard, open and raw and _needing_ him, fuck.

They kiss like that for a long time, until Brian gets really fucking annoyed at the center console and he has to pull back. "I am driving you to my house now," Brian says. "Unless you have something else you have to do, and I'll drive you to yours. But I won't be happy about it. For the record."

"I'm all yours for the night, Bri," Gerard says, smiling that infuriating half-smile again. Except this time Brian knows what to do about it.

He grabs Gerard again and gives him a brief, thorough kiss before putting his car in reverse and speeding out onto the freeway.  
Venice is still too far away, but Gerard's hand is creeping up his thigh and he loves it.

He can't keep the smile off his face as he drives. It only widens when Gerard says, "Hey, Linds. Gonna stay at Brian's tonight. Yeah. Yeah, I'll call at bedtime. Thanks, baby. Love you too." He sees the screen of his phone flash in the cup holder and fishes it out to read the screen.

 _Really wasn't in the mood to drive to Pomona,_ it says.

He laughs loud. "Your wife is kind of the best."

"I know, that's why I married her," Gerard replies smugly.

"Gee -" Brian starts.

"I don't want to like… minimize your concerns or anything," Gerard says. "So you should tell me what they are. But I'm pretty sure whatever it is, it'll be okay."

"All I ever wanted to do was do things for you. And I let myself decide what you needed, maybe more than I should have. And when I was wrong... It wasn't good for you, but... It was really bad for me."

Gerard squeezes his knee and Brian sort of wishes he had an automatic so he could hold Gerard's hand, which is so fucking sappy. "We can be really spectacularly bad for each other sometimes. But…" Gerard pauses to gather his thoughts. "This is going to sound really fucking stupid, but we're older now and we've learned what happens when we make assumptions about each other. I still need you," he adds.

Brian has to turn and smile directly at him. "I like being needed," he admits. "Just tell me if I cross the line, okay? Because sometimes I don't realize until it's way too fucking late."

"I will," Gerard promises. "I just wish I knew - I need you more than you need me."

Brian sort of gapes. "Gerard, if you hadn't said that first about me, I'd have said it about you. Why would you need me when you have the best wife in the world and one of the cutest kids ever born?"

"You've seen the worst I can do," Gerard says after a minute. "I want you to see the best I can do."

Brian gets kind of choked up and he feels _ridiculous_ about it. "Same, Gee."

"How much farther?" Gerard murmurs.

"Ten miles. They will be the longest miles of my fucking life," Brian replies.

"No kidding," Gerard says.

Gerard turns on the radio then and flips through all the stations until he happens on one of the new Alkaline Trio songs on the alternative station and he stops. They manage to distract themselves reminiscing about the tours they went out on with Trio and then Brian pulls into his driveway and pushes the button to get in his garage.

"Schechter," Gerard murmurs when it takes Brian a moment to park and get the keys out of the ignition. "Hurry, or we're not making it out of the car."

Brian laughs and gets out of the car, trusting Gerard will follow him into the house. He's not really expecting the fingers curling hard into his belt loops. Although maybe he should be. Gerard hauls him backwards and licks right over the tattoo on Brian's neck.

"Fuck, Gee," Brian breathes. He reaches up and shoves his fingers into Gerard's hair.

"Do you know how long I've wanted to do that?"

"Are you about to tell me?" Brian asks, grinding his hips back as hard as he can. "Tell me," he orders.

"So fucking long. Since you fucking _got_ it," Gerard murmurs in his ear. "All your fucking ink, Brian. I don't know it. Do you know what I would have done to know it?"

"Gerard," Brian says. "Bedroom. Now. You can see it all."

Gerard's fingers link tight in his. Brian's not sure who drags who. It's definitely Gerard who starts undressing him, though. He pulls Brian's shirt up over his head immediately and runs his hands over Brian's shoulders and chest. "God, Brian. I can't -"

Brian knows the few scant inches that aren't covered with ink are calloused and scarred. Gerard leans down and kisses his chest. Brian has to put his fingers in Gerard's hair and pull him up for a real kiss.

Gerard makes that noise again, that deep, needy whine, like he can't control himself. Brian wants to hear it again. He reaches for the buttons of Gerard's shirt and starts unbuttoning. "Jesus, Gerard. Fucking gorgeous. I looked at the photos while you were on tour," Brian admits. "Not all the time. But enough. The hair. The skin. Gee..."

"You liked that?" Gerard breathes.

"Let's be real, I like all your stupid fucking fashion decisions. I could never resist you, fucker." Brian tosses the plaid shirt into the corner and reaches for Gerard's belt. "You know that bat belt buckle you had? God, I was so distracted by that. I was almost glad when that thing broke."

"I'm surprised you didn't make it have a fatal accident," Gerard teases, gasping a little when Brian's fingers graze his zipper.

"Maybe I should have," Brian says and tugs Gerard's zip down. "But I kind of liked it too. It was like… a game I would play with myself. Could I manage to not look? Of course, the prize for not looking was always looking."

"I was always looking," Gerard says. His gasp when Brian reaches into his jeans for real is fucking loud.

Brian laughs. "You stared at everyone and everything. I never really noticed."

"That was just so I could stare at what I _wanted_ to stare at without anyone noticing," Gerard replies and grabs Brian's waistband and unbuttons his jeans.

Brian takes a step back to push them off in a tangle with his sneakers. He takes a moment to look Gerard up and down - jeans hanging open, hard under his ridiculous bright blue briefs. Jesus fuck. Brian goes on his knees in front of Gerard and tugs the jeans and then the briefs down.

"Schechter..." He's trying to be bossy, Brian can tell, but his voice is shaky.

Brian leans in and nuzzles at the juncture of his hip and thigh. "What do you want, Gee?"

"Put your mouth on me, fuck," Gerard replies. "Please."

"I'm going to, Gerard. Right before I spread you out on my bed. Got it?"

"Yes," Gerard whines. "Please touch me. Need you."

Brian can tell. His cock is flushed red and leaking at the tip, and Brian hasn't even touched him. Brian smiles and takes pity on him. He wraps a hand around Gerard's cock and gives him a few slow strokes then lets go and stands. "Bed, Gee."

Gerard goes, but he pulls Brian with him. Brian goes with a laugh and when they're finally on the bed and no longer an awkward tangle of limbs, Brian kisses Gerard again.

He lets it stretch out longer this time, running his fingers through Gerard's hair and stroking their tongues together, pressing him into the mattress like he promised.

"Brian," Gerard moans into his mouth. Brian moves his hips against Gerard's and makes him moan again.

"D'you want -" Brian stops himself. He's allowed to take charge. It's fucking hard to remember, hard to believe after all this time. "I'm going to stretch you out on this bed and fuck you 'til you can't fucking stand, because I know that's what you want," he murmurs.

"Yes," Gerard gasps. "Please. Fuck, Brian. Whatever you want." Oh god, that does things to Brian. He kisses Gerard hard.

When he finally makes himself pull back, it's just to shift and open the nightstand drawer, to pull out a few things he needs. He lets his fingers skirt past a few toys he really wants to take out, but - maybe next time. He pulls out a condom and the lube.  
He kisses Gerard's chest, lets his teeth graze over one nipple, then the other, and moves down his stomach. He finally gives in and wraps his mouth around the head of Gerard's cock.

Gerard swears and threads his fingers through Brian's hair. He's trying so hard to hold his hips still, muscles tense under Brian's fingers, and Brian takes pity on him and bobs his head a bit, taking as much into his mouth as he can and working his tongue around Gerard's shaft.

Gerard thrusts up into his mouth and Brian moves with him. Fuck, he's desperate. Brian loves it. Loves him, really. He pulls off and slicks up his fingers. He gives Gerard two fingers right away, wrapping his other hand around the base of Gerard's cock to give him something to thrust into.

Gerard writhes and moans and it's maybe the hottest thing Brian has ever seen. Brian gives him another finger. "Aren't you nice and stretched?" Brian murmurs. "Do you like toys, Gee?"

"Yes," Gerard moans. "I… yes. All kinds. Like being fucked."

"Mm," Brian hums. "I have a few we can try out. But first, you get me."

"Fuck. Yes. Want you so fucking much, Brian. _Need_ you," Gerard gasps.

"I know, baby," Brian murmurs, pulling his fingers out and unwrapping the condom. He rolls the condom down his cock and slicks himself up. Gerard wraps his hands around the backs of his knees and pulls them up toward his chest. "Fuck, Gee. You look so damn good all spread out for me."

Gerard licks his lips, murmurs something that might be "Schechter," and Brian relents, settling close enough to line up and push in with one slow thrust. Gerard wraps his legs around Brian's waist and his arms around Brian's neck. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," he chants and throws his head back. Brian sucks under his jaw.

"Gonna mark you up," Brian tells him, licking up to his earlobe and back down to where his throat is warm and smooth.

"Yes," Gerard practically begs. "Want your marks."

He licks down to the juncture of Gerard's shoulder and starts sucking there. He pulls back after a minute to see the beginnings of a deep red hickey and carefully starts thrusting his hips.  
Gerard moves with him. Brian can hardly believe how good this is. How much he's _feeling_ on every level. He leans down to seal their mouths together, snapping his hips hard, demanding - and getting - a reaction. Gerard is eating up everything Brian is giving him. It's fucking intoxicating.

He sinks his fingers into Gerard's hair, even though they're as close as they can possibly get already. He just wants to tug.

Gerard gasps against his mouth. "Again."

Brian tightens his fingers. "I'll fuck your face next time, Gee. Pull your fucking hair and make you swallow my cock. And you'll love it, won't you?"

"Yes," Gerard moans. "Fuck yes." Brian has so many fucking plans for Gerard. With Gerard.

"You tell me, tell me what you need to come," he whispers. "I want to see you lose it."

"Your hand. Just a little," Gerard says. Brian nods and braces himself up on an elbow and watches Gerard's face as he wraps a hand around his cock. He doesn't close his eyes, though his eyelids do droop as Brian's grip tightens and he starts stroking. No, Gerard looks him in the eye, licks his lips, hips trembling.  
Brian keeps fucking him, strokes hard and long.

"Come for me, Gee," he orders. "Let me see you."

Gerard gasps his name and obeys, spilling over Brian's fist and down onto his own belly.

"So good," Brian moans. "Fuck, Gerard. You're incredible." He puts his hand up to Gerard's mouth and Gerard licks his own come off Brian's fingers and then tugs until Brian buries his face in Gerard's neck and starts thrusting again.

He won't be able to hold out much longer, but he isn't interested in that. He tongues over the spot on Gerard's neck where he left his mark and snaps his hips, again and again and - comes hard.

Brian pants into Gerard's neck as Gerard strokes his hands up and down Brian's back. "Gee," Brian murmurs. Because fuck. That was. Everything.

"Worth the wait?" Gerard whispers.

"Absolutely," Brian replies and kisses Gerard's neck and up to his mouth.

"All ten years?"

"Every fucking minute," Brian replies and runs his fingers gently through Gerard's sweat-damp hair. "You're beautiful, Gee. I feel so lucky."

"Brian," Gerard murmurs and leans up for a kiss. Brian gives it to him. And another, and more. He doesn't want to stop.

He finally pulls out, producing a breathy little moan from Gerard. He gets rid of the condom and cleans up before crawling back in bed with Gerard. "You look good in there," he says.

"I feel pretty fucking good," Gerard says and wraps his arms around Brian.

"I really get you for the whole night?" Brian says. He can feel himself smiling; he can't help it.

"First of many," Gerard says. "Promise."

Brian kisses him again. "We'll have to talk about how it all works. What the rules are. But right now, I kind of just want to kiss you until we get hungry and order a pizza."

"Okay," Gerard says contentedly. "I can tell you right now I think Linds will want you at Sunday dinner, like, probably every week when you can. It's her thing. But we don't have to - we have time."

Brian grins. "That sounds really good, actually. And yeah. We do. That might be the best part."

"It's the absolute best part," Gerard corrects, leaning in and kissing his jaw.

Brian smiles against Gerard's lips. His whole body is thrumming with anticipation for the future. "Love you," he murmurs.

"Love you too," Gerard replies and then they give up on words for a while.

 

***

 

"Missed you," Gerard mumbles into Brian's neck as soon as he lets Brian into the house. "Stop going to New York."

"Come with me next time," Brian says evenly. "Also, you stayed over on Tuesday. That is less than a week ago."

"Yeah, but I couldn't make you come out with me for ramen and ice cream and I couldn't call you when I couldn't sleep because it was like, four am your time," Gerard replies as he pulls back. Bandit dashes to take his place and Brian swings her up into his arms.

Brian makes an exaggerated pouty face at Gerard and says, "Hey, kiddo," to the little girl bouncing in his arms.

"Brian," she beams. "Daddy and I bought you a record at the flea market. I picked it out."

"I can't wait to see it," he tells her seriously, then hitches her over to his hip and heads for the kitchen door. "Did you lose an assistant? And some flour?" he asks Lindsey. Bandit's sort of a mess.

She laughs when she sees Brian. "Serves you right for wearing a black shirt, I guess." Brian sets Bandit down on the ground and Lindsey gives her a towel to give to Brian to dust himself off with.

"Thanks, Linds. How's things?"

"Same old. Busy, happy, generally awesome," she grins.

"Good," Brian says.

"How was New York?" she asks.

"It was a pretty great trip, actually. Made better by the Jersey side trip," he replies.

"How are Frank and Jamia and the kids?" Lindsey asks.

"They're great, but fu- I mean, dang, three kids can make some serious chaos. It was good to spend some time with them, though."

"You really should take Gee with you next time," Lindsey says. "I'd miss him a little -" she makes a face at him - "but you'd have a good time. Especially if you could get to Jersey again."

"I told him he could come next time. Let's see if I can pull him away from his million and one projects," Brian says as Gerard comes up behind him and hooks his chin on Brian's shoulder.

"Bet you can," he says with a quick kiss to the side of Brian's neck. "I'll tell you later what ideas I had for that." Brian laughs.

"It's a plan," Brian says.

Gerard goes over to the fridge and gets them both sodas. "C'mon," he says as he presses the can into Brian's hand. "The queens of the house are gonna banish us if we don't leave soon."

"Gee, make sure to give Jessicka and Christian that box of books when they get here," Lindsey calls after them. "You tripped over it like fifteen times this week."

Gerard makes a sheepish face. "Got it, baby."

Brian pops the tab on his soda and follows Gerard into the living room. The cat jumps onto his lap as soon as he sits down. "Hey, skinny," Brian says. Brian's his favorite person after Lindsey and Chantal. Gerard thinks it's hilarious.

Brian just scratches behind his ears and under the collar of his little sweater. Gerard puts the box on the coffee table so he won't forget and plops down next to Brian on the couch.

Brian studies him thoroughly. "You've been staying up too late again. Five hours a night this week, Gee, either here or at my place, got it?" Gerard nods tiredly and leans against him. Brian wraps an arm around his shoulders and kisses his temple. "I really liked the last demo you sent me," Brian tells him.

Gerard nuzzles his collarbone. "When Jimmy and Chantal get here I'll play you the new one," Gerard says.

"Awesome," Brian replies.

"It makes Bandit dance, so I figure I did pretty good," Gerard adds with a grin.

"The Beezle is a tough critic," Brian nods. "Gerard?" he adds after a moment. "I missed you too." Gerard beams at him and leans in for a kiss.

The house will gradually fill up with a lot more people, and Brian thinks these Sunday dinners are one of Lindsey's most genius ideas, but for now, he's going to enjoy kissing his boyfriend.


End file.
